A Mother's Love [Bella]

[Renesmee Cullen-Black]

Renesmee stood outside of her parents' cottage, baby Alicia in her arms, wondering whether or not she should go in. Things had been tense since her Uncle Jasper's return and she wasn't sure if she wanted to be around her family right then. Even though she loved them with all of her heart, she could not quite understand why they had accepted him back so easily. She learned that he had been held hostage, which she did not blame him for, but in her minds' eye he still left their family in the first place. Regardless of what happened while he was away, he still abandoned them in their time of need. More over, she was just angry that he didn't stay and fight for Alice like he should have. Past those feelings, she was just stressed and concerned about everything else going on in their lives. The attack from Crystal had sent Jacob over the edge so that he was rarely ever home because he was always patrolling. She had told him time and again that he was going to run himself into the ground, but he kept insisting that he needed to keep their little family safe.

And now all of that had reached a boiling point. Renesmee could not take the stress of it all alone; she needed someone to talk to. There was no one else in the world she could go to at this point but her mother. She knew that her mom, above everyone else, would understand being a mother to an immortal child, dealing with family drama, and having an overprotective husband all at the same time. Breathing deeply, she walked into the living room of the cottage and looked around, keeping Alicia close to her chest. "Momma?" she called out, hoping that her mother wouldn't be busy or anyone else would be in the house.

[Bella Cullen]

Bella was staring out the window in her and Edward’s room when she heard the movement outside of the cottage. She licked the corner of her lips out of habit as she crossed her arms. She looked back out the window, narrowing her eyebrows as she waited for another sound of movement around her home before she would act. Everything had been so hectic around the household over the past few weeks, that Bella almost savored every alone moment she had with Edward. She knew that accepting Jasper back as quickly as they had probably upset Nessie, but the truth of the matter is that Nessie had never experienced life outside of this enchanted world that they lived in. She did not understand completely the way that they were all connected, and that though they considered Jasper to be their family, that they could not stop him from leaving whenever he desired to. Bella sighed as she heard her daughter enter the house. In all honesty, she wanted to see her daughter, and she couldn’t think of anything more pertinent than to spend time with her fast growing granddaughter, yet it was difficult for her to not explain the way they viewed Jasper. Nessie had her right to be upset, but Bella couldn’t help but feel that she did not have enough life experience to know the importance of letting Jasper back into their home and accepting him. She lowered her arms from her chest as she walked towards the living room, a smile crossing her lips. “Hello Renesmee,” She smiled sweetly as she looked up at her, but quickly put her arms out, hoping to take Alicia into her arms. Her eyes brightened as she leaned over to look at her, amazed at just how beautiful she truly was.

Bella's Outfit

[Renesmee Cullen-Black]

A weight lifted from Renesmee's shoulders as she saw her mother enter the room with a smile on her face. From the moment she had been born, she loved her mother with every fiber of her being. After all, she was the woman who gave her life; sacrificing her own human life to do so. Renesmee had not fully understood this love until Alicia came into her own life. Being a mother was the most rewarding thing in the world, yet the most difficult as well. Everything was about what her daughter needed or wanted instead of her own wants and needs. But, every sacrifice was worth it when she looked into those beautiful brown eyes that looked back lovingly.

Renesmee smiled and gently handed her daughter to her mother to hold. Seeing her mother hold Alicia brought a sense of joy to to her that she could not quite describe. For the first time in a while, she felt completely happy, like everything had been pushed aside momentarily so that a small pocket of joy could be felt. Alicia gurgled happily and looked up at her grandmother before smiling. "She really likes you," she said, her eyes brightening with warmth. Looking around the cottage for a moment, she couldn't sense her father's presence at all. "Is Daddy out hunting?" she asked.

[Bella Cullen]

Bella gasped down at the beauty that she held in her arms as she cooed over Alicia. She gave a small laugh as she looked up at Renesmee when she mentioned that Alicia seemed to like her. Bella took a few smalls steps over to the window as she smiled , looking down at Alicia. She scrunched her own nose as she playfully tapped her finger on Alicia’s nose and smiled at her giggling. Bella smiled faintly as she thought to the first time she had been able to hold Nessie in this manner, she could still remember it like it was yesterday. Alicia was one of the most beautiful children she had ever seen, there was no doubt. But there as a certain beauty that Nessie held that was so captivating as a child, and it was amazing to see that it had passed down to her granddaughter. She had been momentarily distracted when she heard Renesmee and looked up, “ Yeah, he is out with Emmett and Jasper,” Bella kissed the top of Alicia’s forehead before she walked back to Renesmee, offering her daughter back to her. “Where is Jacob?” Bella placed a piece of hair behind her ear before she crossed her arms, looking back up at her daughter. She knew that Renesmee would not come here without a purpose, or a reason to discuss something. She wasn’t going to push it out of her, and was trying to be understanding and not push the subject until Nessie was ready to talk.

[Renesmee Cullen-Black]

Watching her mother with Alicia, Renesmee thought back to the time when she had been a baby. Everyone had been so enamored over her because she was entirely unique. But her favorite memories had been with her mother; the very first time she got to see her after the transformation and be held in her arms. Renesmee remembered seeing her mother and knowing exactly who she was without being told. Those memories, among others, transpired in her mind as she watched her mother with her own daughter. She wondered if Alicia would have any of those memories like she had or if she would be as advanced as herself. These questions were pertinent in her mind, but she had always brushed them back to focus on the present and taking care of Alicia's needs now.

Hearing that her father was out with her uncles, Rensmee nodded her head in understanding. She figured that he was with someone in the family, but she had not been certain who. Making no comment on that, she watched her mother walk back toward her with Alicia in her arms. When her mother brought Alicia back over, she took her into her arms and kissed the top of her head once before looking back at her mother. Sighing deeply, she looked back down at her daughter when asked about Jacob. "He's been patrolling a lot more lately," she said defeatedly. "Ever since that near attack with Crystal, he's been insanely obcessed with patrolling himself. He feels like he failed Alicia and I, even though I told him that it was never his fault." Renesmee could feel herself on the brink of a breakdown, but she held it together and just let a few tears slide down her cheeks. "And I'm scared that he's going to work himself to death. He hardly comes home or spends time with his daughter, which is not like him at all." Hearing herself blurt everything out, Renesmee felt like she was emptying the barrel on top of her mother and instantly felt guilty for doing so.

[Bella Cullen]

Bella gave a small nod as she listened to Renesmee explain where Jacob was. “Don’t worry about him working himself to death,” She gave a soft smile as she walked over to a chair, “Jacob is extremely hard headed,” She stood for a moment before she took a place in the seat, folding her arms in her lap. Bella tilted her head as she looked up at Renesmee, “I know it isn’t the way you imagined things, having Jacob work all the time. But think of it this way, you may think that the job is going to kill him, but he would be killing himself if he wasn’t the one patrolling. It’s the better of two evils that he does the job, gives him a sense of security,” Bella tapped her thumb against her hand as she spoke. She knew that situation all too well. Edward had always been on edge whenever he was trying to protect her, which had been a constant situation throughout her human years. Though it made him tense while he worked, she also knew the way it would effect him if he sat there feeling like he was doing nothing and leaving the job to someone else, someone that he undoubtedly thought was incapable of protecting her the way that he could. She gave a soft smile, knowing that Jacob most likely felt the same way about his wife and child now.

[Renesmee Cullen-Black]

Renesmee gave a soft sigh and kept her eyes on her daughter as her mother spoke. Throughout her life, she had grown to respect her mother's wisdom and advice, more often than not seeking it out in her greatest times of need. She walked over and took a seat on the couch, holding Alicia close as she began to nod off for her nap, her head against Renesmee's chest. Stroking her daughter's hair, she looked back to her own mother as she spoke of how Jacob was overworking himself for a purpose. While she understood what he was doing in protecting her and Alicia, she just wished that something would happen so that things were safe again for him to spend time with her at home. She knew the only way that would happen is if Crystal were killed, which was not happening anytime soon as far as she could tell. "Was Daddy this neurotic when it came to protecting you?" she asked out of curiousity. She had never seen what life was like before her mother's transformation, but from what she had been told, her father was like a lion when protecting her mother.

[Bella Cullen]

Bella felt the laugh slip through her lips before she even realized she was laughing. “Yes,” She gave a warm smile as she looked up at her beautiful daughter, who had grown into such an amazing young mother. “If possible, he was probably more protective than Jacob is now. But, I was just a human then, so that’s a little understandable,” Bella clenched her jaws as she looked down, placing her thumb underneath her chin, and her finger against the side of her face, “ I try to cling to as many human memories as I can. One that I will never forget is the pain that I felt when your father left,” Bella looked down as she narrowed her eyebrows. It amazed her the effect that it still had on her, “ He wanted to protect me so badly, that he actually felt leaving me was the best way to do so. He didn’t factor in that my clumsy lifestyle as a human attracted danger to me, and that it was more beneficial for him to be near me. For everything,” Bella gave a faint smile as she thought about the few memories she had of missing him, of pushing herself to the limit just to be able to have his presence surround her. She coughed before she looked back up at Nessie, putting a smile on her face, “ I know that it must pain you to not have Jacob at home as often as you would like. He is doing this for you. I understand that pain more than you could possibly imagine, only, he hasn’t left you and I can never see Jacob doing that,” Bella felt the distance in her eyes as she looked back down at the floor. She had never spoken to Nessie before about her fathers leaving and how it had effected her. Bella had never brought it up because honestly the point was moot, he had returned home and that was all that mattered.

[Renesmee Cullen-Black]

It stunned Renesmee to sit and listen to her mother talk of the time that her father had left her during her human life. She had never known that he had left her. It had always been assumed that he had stayed by her side through everything, but she was obviously wrong as her mother explained how her father had left thinking it would be better for her if he stayed away. Renesmee could not even begin to imagine the pain her mother went through after he left because they were so in love. She had witnessed their love her entire life and there were no two people more in love than her parents. Her eyebrows furrowed together as she tried to hold back a tear. "I never knew Daddy left you," she almost whispered, scared that it would set off some deep-seeded emotion hidden in her mother's psyche. "He hardly leaves your side now, so I never imagined..." her thoughts trailed off as Alicia stirred in her arms. Moving her ever so slightly, she managed to lull her daughter back into sleep. "I don't know what I would do if that ever happened, but as you said, Jacob would never do that."

Renesmee let her mind wander for a moment, back to earlier times in her marriage with Jacob when things were more simple. She recalled their perfect honeymoon in Itally and on Isle Esme; how wonderful it was to just spend time with him alone without the insanity of psychotic vampires trying to kill them and even before they had their beloved daughter. "Momma, do you ever wonder what it would have been like...had I not been born so soon after you and Daddy were married?" she asked. "I mean, if I had maybe come at another time perhaps."

[Bella Cullen]

Bella smiled faintly as she looked up at her daughter. “There’s a reason he never leaves my side now. Don’t get me wrong, Renesmee. Leaving was just as hard on your father if not more so. After he thought that I had died, he went on some sort of..suicide mission to Italy. After Alice and I stopped him, he promised me that he would spend the rest of our lifetime together making it up to me,” Bella shook her head softly as she looked down at the ground. She looked up at Renesmee as she spoke, saying that Jacob would never do that. Bella gave a small nod, wishing that something like that would never happen to her daughter. Mainly because the one person that was able to save Bella from herself when Edward had left, was Jacob. He had this amazing ability to bring the life back out of someone and she knew she would have to fear for the worst if anything ever happened to Jacob and the harm that it would cause Renesmee.

Bella laughed quietly at Renesmee’s question. “ I had thought about putting off my transformation to this lifestyle. I had considered taking a semester of college as a human, but in all honesty I don’t know how practical that decision would have been. Edward and I were married, after starting this life I would never really get past the “college level” experience, no matter how many times I may put myself through it. And, talking woman to woman, and not mother to daughter, I’m not entirely sure Edward would have been willing to take what happened at Island Esme, past our honeymoon considering how fragile I was. People at campus would begin to wonder about bruises,” Bella shook her head momentarily before she looked back up at Renesmee, “So frankly, if we had not had you when we did, then you wouldn’t be here at all. I would have asked Edward to change me once we returned, and before I began school,” Bella looked down at Alicia before she spoke, “Also, I think that your birth probably salvaged the relationship between the pack and the Cullen family. Jacob knew of my intentions to join Edward in this life, but the thought of it disgusted him, and he always let me know what the consequences of my actions would be, how I wouldn’t be the same Bella. He was becoming to come around towards the end, but the moment he saw you, there was no doubt that we had an ally for the remainder of our time here,” Bella looked back up at Renesmee. They had not talked often about what had happened before she was born, and it was making Bella feel a bit nostalgic for the life that she and Edward had before the burden of becoming the royal couple was placed on their shoulders.

[Renesmee Cullen-Black]

Renesmee sat perfectly still listening to her mother. She had never really considered that her mother would have been transformed right away had she not been born so soon. Before that moment, she had never really known how much of a toll it had taken on her mother just to be intimate with her father. Then again, she had never been married or a mother herself before this moment so talking frankly about things had never happened. And while she had known many of the details surrounding her birth, she had never really took the time to realize how much peace her birth really did bring. Jacob imprinting on her at birth had ceased all fights between the Quileute Pack and the Cullen family and solidified a treaty that could not be broken. Renesmee giggled and looked down at her own daughter, wondering if someone would ever imprint on her. She had thought about that possibility, knowing that being around the Pack could instigate that reaction from some newer wolf. That thought lingered as she looked back to her mother.

"I guess it really was love at first sight for Jake then?" she asked, smiling. "You know, almost every memory I have is with him in it, some way or another." And it was true. From the moment she came into the world, Jacob had rarely, if ever, left her side with the exception of their separation while her family lived in England. That had been the most painful thirty years of her life and she never wanted to repeat that again, especially now that they were married and had a baby of their own together. Renesmee sighed and kissed the sleeping Alicia's forehead. "I guess things have a way of turning out for the best," she said softly.

[Bella Cullen]

Bella nodded as she looked over to Renesmee and her granddaughter. “Everything seems to work itself out when we have people around us who want the best for us,” She smiled as she leaned back in her chair. “ Maybe not love at first sight with you and Jacob. Though it was definitely a connection. Romantic love didn’t come until you were old enough. But you gave him purpose the moment he saw you. The rest of his life he would spend being whatever you needed him to be. When you were younger that was everything from a guardian to a playmate.” Bella gave a soft giggle as she imagined the many different times she had seen Jacob with her daughter as she grew. Every time she looked in his eyes she could tell that all that mattered was Renesmee’s happiness. Bella considered herself very fortunate that she had been able to witness Renesmee’s journey towards love. She looked down at Alicia, wondering what sorts of adventures she would face in her life. Jacob and Edward were most certainly rare, and she could only hope that her life would show her someone just as perfect for her as Jacob had been for Renesmee, and Edward for herself.

[Renesmee Cullen-Black]

Renesmee sat there with her daughter in her arms and thought back to her childhood, before she and her parents left for England. She remembered Jacob taking her hunting, even when she really detested animal blood. He had always made a sport of it for her so that she would hunt, regardless of her own feelings toward it. A smile crept across her lips as she remembered how much fun he made things for her when she was a child. Not once did he ever get bored and walk away. Jacob was her consistent friend and playmate throughout her childhood, until she and her parents moved to England. Those years away from Jacob were the darkest and most trialsome of her entire existence. When she returned to Forks, the first thing she had done was leap into Jacob's arms and hug him tightly.

"And later down the line, he became my best friend, lover, husband, and father of our child," Renesmee finished with a smile. Thinking of all the things Jacob had been to her over the years made her heart warm. Jacob had been everything for her and she had never asked for any of it. From the minute she entered this world, she had been blessed beyond measure with Jacob. He had done everything and been everything for her. "Was it really hard for you and Daddy to give me away to Jacob?" she asked, almost knowing the answer right away. However, she wanted to hear what her mother's perspective on this was.

[Bella Cullen]

Bella situated the way she was sitting as she looked up at her daughter. She bit onto her bottom lip, placing her first few fingers over her mouth as she tried to place her words into a sensible thought. “Renesmee, it is always hard to “give away” a family member.” She placed her hands in her lap, neatly folding them as she remembered the purpose of their discussion. Having Jasper home had filled a missing link in her family. Not only that but she felt that hardly anyone was taking into consideration the pain and ordeal that Jasper was going through. He may have left, but they were the ones who emotionally abandoned him. “ Renesmee, I hope you see now how important family is,” She spoke slowly, moving into the new subject with a bit of caution. “ No matter what wrong we may have felt Jasper had done, we are just as guilty, if not more,” She looked down at how beautiful Alicia was and longed for her family to be willing to accept others the way that they had before, “ Jasper is emotionally driven. You know how strong his power is, and considering how someone played on his emotions in order to trick him, I can only be more understanding of his situation. To be honest with you, I would want to trust Edward above anyone else, the way we thought that Jasper should trust Alice. But there is always the want in the back of our minds to do the right thing, and if he was being convinced that was what was right, then… we should have supported him in the first place,” Bella frowned slightly, disappointed in herself for being such a bad sister, “He more than anyone is upset by this. I would even go so far as to say that he is more hurt than Alice. Not that one pain is greater than the other. But she had us, he had no one and was forced to believe it was his own fault.” Bella brought her head back up, reaching her eyes back to Renesmee, “ I am asking you to not think so selfishly. And I understand, when you were first born, you and Edward were all I cared about in the entire world, so I know what I am asking is not easy. Consider what Jasper has gone through, the pain and struggle that he is currently going through. His family seems divided in their willingness to accept him back. Some of us have open arms, the others are hesitant. Which is understandable to a certain degree. But if it was you.. if you had a made a mistake, one that you were tricked into and were only doing what you thought was right, would you not want this family to accept you with open arms?” Bella licked her lips, amazed that she was able to keep a soft tone throughout her entire speech. Bella knew that the transition of Jasper returning would not be completely finished for quite some time. She herself was still having troubles with what had happened, how she reacted, and how it could have been different. “What’s important is that we are all here now, we are family. We love each other. We are meant to carry each other through our hardest struggles, not to add weight to them,” Bella gave a small sigh, wondering when this would all blow over.

[Renesmee Cullen-Black]

Renesmee shifted uncomfortably as she sensed her mother beginning to chastise her, knowing full-well exactly where this conversation was going before it even began to go there. Anytime she even began to talk to one of her family members, it always seemed to go back to Jasper somehow. He was the one person in the world she did not wish to talk about right then and had been avoiding since he returned a few weeks earlier. There were things that Renesmee didn't want to talk to anyone about, not even her parents or husband. For that purpose, she had been throwing herself into just being a mother to Alicia and a wife to Jacob. Looking at her mother, she shook her head. "This really isn't a conversation I want to have right now," she said softly, standing up from the couch and taking her daughter in her arms. "I know that everyone is accepting him back right away because of the circumstances, but I just can't right now. I have my reasons and can't really explain them right now because I would just get upset and I don't want to do that around my daughter."

Taking a step toward the door, Renesmee sighed and looked at her mother. "I know you're probably going to be upset with me, but I have to make my own choices and decisions," she said. "I'm an adult and married with a baby of my own." Looking down at her daughter, Renesmee thought back to when she was a child in her mother's arms. She had always felt safe and protected there, like nothing in the world could hurt her while she was in her mother's loving embrace. She wished for a fraction of a second to go back to that time, but realized that now she was the mother and had to give that to her daughter. "I just have to take my own time doing things.," she finally said.