Post by Esme Cullen on Dec 24, 2009 2:19:22 GMT -5
This post is a combined one from Esme and Jasper. I hope that it is not seen as overly confusing; if that is the case, message me and I shall go about trying to split the post up between the two. At this time I would also like to point out that I play both Esme and Jasper at the time of this post. (ATTENTION: Esme is up for adoption, to those willing to apply.)
Esme sat in the middle of empty pots, bags of dirt, and a collection of flowers. After the meeting with the rest of the family plans and patrols had been thrown into over time to protect Forks and La Push. What was worse was that Jacob and his pack would have to stay close to home, because they could be at risk for infection. As it was the stress level of the vampires had gone up severely, and Esme was now taking her time to relax. Gardening had become a past time and Esme found herself humming quietly as she began to re-pot the flowers.
As she continued on with her relaxing work Esme’s thoughts, as they often did, turned towards her family. After re-potting a few of the flowers a familiar scent came to her nose, a son that had left and brought back with him a broken heart and a whole pile of troubles. Esme turned to the doorway with a smile in time to see Jasper knocking on the doorframe. Jasper nodded in his own way of greeting and she waved for him to come further into the room. Esme knew her family and the fact that Jasper was more willing to talk when he could do so on his own time.
Jasper had walked further into the room by this point and Esme again encouraged him by patting a clear space on the floor next to her. He finally came and sat on the floor next to her, silently going about helping her with the flowers. “Life never goes how you want it to.” Esme smiled gently at her son’s opening statement and gently patted down the dirt in one of the pots.
Jasper was alone from what he could initially tell. Everyone was on high alert because of the recent danger that had come to settle in Forks. This time however Jasper would be there to help his family, but there were things that he needed to try and clear from his mind before he could be any use in a battle. Jasper knew his family needed him, and he desperately wanted to be more then the weak link, he had been in the past. Jasper walked around the house and stood at the back door for a few moments before a familiar sense of peace rested within him. Jasper smiled knowing it was Esme, and someone that would be probably the perfect one to talk to.
Of everyone she and Carlisle had been the least pressing about what he was going to do, and what had happened in Florida. As Jasper made his way towards the room where Esme was at Jasper also knew that his mother would love him no matter what he would have to say. He knew that his family would be there for him regardless of the situation, but for some reason Esme was the one he needed to talk with. He stood in the doorway, watching as Esme was tending to some indoor gardening, he knocking on the door frame just as she turned around.
After some slight coaxing, Jasper went and sat next to his mother, helping her with the planting. What pleased Jasper at that point was the fact that Esme was just happy to sit in silence working with him. Esme smiled gently continuing with the plant in her lap saying, “No I’m afraid not. Life rarely goes as we plan for it to.”
She set the planted flower down and started to plan another flower. “When I was in Florida it felt like I was back with Maria in Texas.”
Jasper paused to collect another plant to place in a pot. “I thought things would be alright, but the longer it was, the more I felt trapped.” Esme could feel herself hurting for Jasper, but she was determined to say nothing until she had to. She also had herself take a mental breath to calm down so that her hurt would not bleed onto Jasper.
“What made Florida worse is that I knew my family was waiting for me, and knowing what hurt was being caused by my extended absence. There were also times when,”
Jasper put the pot he was working on down and looked at his hands, “I thought of Alice and for those moments I would be alright.” Esme glanced over at her son and looked back to her other finished pot, taking out another flower to match with a pot. Esme put an over amount of energy into focusing on her plant so that her hurt would not influences Jasper’s rare moment of opening up.
“Then not long before I had…resigned myself to my fate I remembered that Alice was not mine any longer. She had someone else and I would not get to have that same faith in her again.” Esme was having a hard time keeping up the pretenses of casually re-potting plants. Jasper could feel Esme’s hurt rolling off in waves and he could feel that she was also trying to control it.
Jasper relaxed himself and continued on with what he had to say, “Even after all of this time I still feel like I have no reason to have that faith in her again.” Jasper looked at his mother slightly expecting for her to say something in response. Esme however seemed like she needed to keep busy to help keep her emotions in control. Jasper turned back to the plants and continued on helping her with the last of the flowers.
“Esme could you tell me something?” Esme looked over at her son putting down the half filled pot in her hands to give Jasper her undivided attention. He was telling what had to be a difficult story, as he had to live through it again, retelling it. It was then Jasper’s turn to continue on with potting the plants as he spoke.
“Can you tell me why I still want her to believe in me?” Esme felt as though Jasper had not finished, and waited a moment to be sure.
“Can you tell me why I still love her? Why I want her to still love me?” Jasper kicked a dirt filled pot over and propped his arms on his knees. Esme waited a few more moments to make sure that Jasper was done at that time.
“I think that it’s because you love her that you want to believe in the two of you again.” Esme said gently.
“That’s the problem Esme I still love her. After all of the hurt that I had felt, I still love her.”
“Love isn’t the problem Jasper.” Esme said trying to speak calmly, “Alice loves you and you love her; and to be honest without the intention of hurting you or anyone; you and Alice have hurt each other.” Jasper listened to Esme’s last statement knowing with a bitter taste in his mouth that she was right. It was hard for Jasper to look back on those days, but as things settled into normalcy it became easier. Jasper was brought out of his musings as Esme placed a tender hand on his arm.
Jasper did not look up at his mother as he spoke, “It has been nearly a year Esme. I have gone through every emotion possible to a painful degree, from my own reaction, and the reaction of the family. How do I get over that pain?”
Esme gently squeezed Jasper’s arm to make sure that she had his attention. “Jasper you are my son and for that reason alone I will love you until the end of my time on this Earth; and I will have that love for you no matter what your next decision is. What you need to think about now is whether or not that pain is worth more to you then the love. That is a decision that no one can make for you.” Esme leaned forward and kissed Jasper’s forehead before getting to her feet. She offered the best smile that she could before walking out of the room.
Jasper sighed and rubbed a hand over his face, suddenly feeling tired. Jasper knew that Esme had made the point he needed to hear, but in the same breath did not want to hear. He smiled as he replayed the time a few seconds ago when Esme said she loved him. To Jasper that’s what Esme was, she had such a good heart, and not only that Esme was genuine. Jasper returned to potting the plants as he debated with himself on what he needed to do. By the time that he finished the last four pots left, Jasper had made his decision. He got to his feet dusting the dirt from his hands, walking from the room knowing that a heart was most likely going to be broken, if not two hearts.
Esme sat in the middle of empty pots, bags of dirt, and a collection of flowers. After the meeting with the rest of the family plans and patrols had been thrown into over time to protect Forks and La Push. What was worse was that Jacob and his pack would have to stay close to home, because they could be at risk for infection. As it was the stress level of the vampires had gone up severely, and Esme was now taking her time to relax. Gardening had become a past time and Esme found herself humming quietly as she began to re-pot the flowers.
As she continued on with her relaxing work Esme’s thoughts, as they often did, turned towards her family. After re-potting a few of the flowers a familiar scent came to her nose, a son that had left and brought back with him a broken heart and a whole pile of troubles. Esme turned to the doorway with a smile in time to see Jasper knocking on the doorframe. Jasper nodded in his own way of greeting and she waved for him to come further into the room. Esme knew her family and the fact that Jasper was more willing to talk when he could do so on his own time.
Jasper had walked further into the room by this point and Esme again encouraged him by patting a clear space on the floor next to her. He finally came and sat on the floor next to her, silently going about helping her with the flowers. “Life never goes how you want it to.” Esme smiled gently at her son’s opening statement and gently patted down the dirt in one of the pots.
Jasper was alone from what he could initially tell. Everyone was on high alert because of the recent danger that had come to settle in Forks. This time however Jasper would be there to help his family, but there were things that he needed to try and clear from his mind before he could be any use in a battle. Jasper knew his family needed him, and he desperately wanted to be more then the weak link, he had been in the past. Jasper walked around the house and stood at the back door for a few moments before a familiar sense of peace rested within him. Jasper smiled knowing it was Esme, and someone that would be probably the perfect one to talk to.
Of everyone she and Carlisle had been the least pressing about what he was going to do, and what had happened in Florida. As Jasper made his way towards the room where Esme was at Jasper also knew that his mother would love him no matter what he would have to say. He knew that his family would be there for him regardless of the situation, but for some reason Esme was the one he needed to talk with. He stood in the doorway, watching as Esme was tending to some indoor gardening, he knocking on the door frame just as she turned around.
After some slight coaxing, Jasper went and sat next to his mother, helping her with the planting. What pleased Jasper at that point was the fact that Esme was just happy to sit in silence working with him. Esme smiled gently continuing with the plant in her lap saying, “No I’m afraid not. Life rarely goes as we plan for it to.”
She set the planted flower down and started to plan another flower. “When I was in Florida it felt like I was back with Maria in Texas.”
Jasper paused to collect another plant to place in a pot. “I thought things would be alright, but the longer it was, the more I felt trapped.” Esme could feel herself hurting for Jasper, but she was determined to say nothing until she had to. She also had herself take a mental breath to calm down so that her hurt would not bleed onto Jasper.
“What made Florida worse is that I knew my family was waiting for me, and knowing what hurt was being caused by my extended absence. There were also times when,”
Jasper put the pot he was working on down and looked at his hands, “I thought of Alice and for those moments I would be alright.” Esme glanced over at her son and looked back to her other finished pot, taking out another flower to match with a pot. Esme put an over amount of energy into focusing on her plant so that her hurt would not influences Jasper’s rare moment of opening up.
“Then not long before I had…resigned myself to my fate I remembered that Alice was not mine any longer. She had someone else and I would not get to have that same faith in her again.” Esme was having a hard time keeping up the pretenses of casually re-potting plants. Jasper could feel Esme’s hurt rolling off in waves and he could feel that she was also trying to control it.
Jasper relaxed himself and continued on with what he had to say, “Even after all of this time I still feel like I have no reason to have that faith in her again.” Jasper looked at his mother slightly expecting for her to say something in response. Esme however seemed like she needed to keep busy to help keep her emotions in control. Jasper turned back to the plants and continued on helping her with the last of the flowers.
“Esme could you tell me something?” Esme looked over at her son putting down the half filled pot in her hands to give Jasper her undivided attention. He was telling what had to be a difficult story, as he had to live through it again, retelling it. It was then Jasper’s turn to continue on with potting the plants as he spoke.
“Can you tell me why I still want her to believe in me?” Esme felt as though Jasper had not finished, and waited a moment to be sure.
“Can you tell me why I still love her? Why I want her to still love me?” Jasper kicked a dirt filled pot over and propped his arms on his knees. Esme waited a few more moments to make sure that Jasper was done at that time.
“I think that it’s because you love her that you want to believe in the two of you again.” Esme said gently.
“That’s the problem Esme I still love her. After all of the hurt that I had felt, I still love her.”
“Love isn’t the problem Jasper.” Esme said trying to speak calmly, “Alice loves you and you love her; and to be honest without the intention of hurting you or anyone; you and Alice have hurt each other.” Jasper listened to Esme’s last statement knowing with a bitter taste in his mouth that she was right. It was hard for Jasper to look back on those days, but as things settled into normalcy it became easier. Jasper was brought out of his musings as Esme placed a tender hand on his arm.
Jasper did not look up at his mother as he spoke, “It has been nearly a year Esme. I have gone through every emotion possible to a painful degree, from my own reaction, and the reaction of the family. How do I get over that pain?”
Esme gently squeezed Jasper’s arm to make sure that she had his attention. “Jasper you are my son and for that reason alone I will love you until the end of my time on this Earth; and I will have that love for you no matter what your next decision is. What you need to think about now is whether or not that pain is worth more to you then the love. That is a decision that no one can make for you.” Esme leaned forward and kissed Jasper’s forehead before getting to her feet. She offered the best smile that she could before walking out of the room.
Jasper sighed and rubbed a hand over his face, suddenly feeling tired. Jasper knew that Esme had made the point he needed to hear, but in the same breath did not want to hear. He smiled as he replayed the time a few seconds ago when Esme said she loved him. To Jasper that’s what Esme was, she had such a good heart, and not only that Esme was genuine. Jasper returned to potting the plants as he debated with himself on what he needed to do. By the time that he finished the last four pots left, Jasper had made his decision. He got to his feet dusting the dirt from his hands, walking from the room knowing that a heart was most likely going to be broken, if not two hearts.
